Silence of the Trams.
Apr 11th, 2006 by B.
Today on my tram ride to mr. yummy’s yoga class I had an interesting experience. As I was sitting minding my own business I noticed a guy staring at me… and not in the typical german ‘I’m going to stare because I can’ way… more in a ‘I’m going to eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti’ way.
We continued the cat & mouse game of him staring and me pretending I didn’t notice for several stops until it was finally time to hop off the tram. Now, as I was walking away I knew the smart thing would be to not look back (curiosity kills the cat & all that jazz) but I’m seldom (if ever) smart about these things. If I played a role in a horror film, I’d be the dumbass who has to go and “check things out”… or open the cellar door… or stay in the house after floating, disembodied pig eyes hiss at me and tell me to get out.
So instead of walking away and never looking back I spun around to find psycho dude (who, by the way, looked like a cross between Christian Bale and Boris Becker) staring right at me with his face and hand pressed against the glass.
We locked eyes for maybe 2 or 3 seconds and then he did the most bizarre thing… he closed his eyes in a sensual ‘I think I’ll fuck you first & then I’ll eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti’ way and then proceeded to lick the glass of the tram window. Not a little, quick lick either… this was a long (thanks, amy, for the term…) snail-trail of a lick. Eww.
I stood there dumbfounded until the tram started to pull away… and then I did the only thing that came to mind. I laughed. I have no idea how you’re supposed to (responsibly) handle a situation like that, but I’m guessing laughing doesn’t even make the top 50. Psycho dude seemed royally pissed that I found the whole thing funny and, in retrospect, it’s probably not smart to provoke the ire of tram-riding psycho dudes… but like I keep saying, I’m not all that smart.
*addendum to post… I’m having a hell of a time coming up with a snappy title for this entry. I’m sure there’s something funny involving licking or beans or that german cannibal dude (armis something or other)… but I must be off my game, because I got nothin’. Feel free to make suggestions.
i think i got distracted by the word ‘tram’…. i found myself thinking (and hoping) this was going to go into some “before sunrise” direction…
Okay, ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! That is just freaky! This is also the country that had that psycho German guy who chopped up & ate the other guy just because right? Good God B, learn to carry mace wouldja?
Why does stuff like this never happen to me?
No title to suggest–unless it’s Psycho
BeachTram Party — although the reference is probably way too obscure.At least you know how to piss him off. Sounds like he was just trying to scare you, and laughing at him spoilt his silly little game.
How about Linie Liebe. Wow, you must be one hot babe, those windows are usually filthy. One man’s vanilla…
jeanni- if there’s one thing this guy wasn’t… it was ethan hawke. lol
lisa- it’s actually pretty safe here… I walk around all the time after dark never feeling threatened or unsafe. even with psycho dude I didn’t feel scared, just amused.
adam- I love campy old ‘b’ movies!
haddock- would love to say that was my plan all along, I just genuinely found it funny.
jen- oh, to be a young, hot babe. unfortunately I’m decidedly average. so unless that’s his type, I’m thinking it was just a ‘happened to be in the right (wrong!) place at the right (wrong!) time’ proximity licking. heh. One man’s vanilla indeed…
Hi. Please keep up the good work - I’m enjoying the blog.
If I could offer two possible titles:
“Silence of the Trams (featuring Hannibal Licktor)” or “Kiss My Glass”
Cheers.
All are great possibilites… but in the end I’m going to go with (drum roll please…) ’silence of the trams’… thanks, James, for the suggestion!