*said in my most petulant children’s voice*
I don’t wanna take these stupid german lessons! They suck, frau stick-up-her-ass sucks, and who really gives a shit if I say das U. (eww) S. (ess) A. (ahh) instead of den u.s.a.??
I’m also pretty sure that humming a sentence and then having me guess which one it [...]

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Today marks our three-month anniversary in Dresden. I’m still completely lost when it comes to what to put in the five bins I have for sorting our trash… parking in the parking garage terrifies me… and whenever I’m shopping & can’t understand what someone is saying (which is most of the time) I still [...]

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I started the day cleaning syrup out of the comforter after the girls were thoughtful enough to serve me breakfast in bed. That was quickly followed by homemade card-giving & failed attempts to scrub marker stains out of hardwood floors. Later I got to be flashlight holder for Sydney’s play about the little [...]

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Mommie dearest and I are just dropping in to say we hope you have the hap-hap-happiest mother’s day since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye!”

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I was named after a french movie star upon whom my father had a massive crush (I know… ick), but given the irish spelling of said name. Which, coincidentally, is spelled almost exactly (just swap an ‘r’ and a ‘i’) like a very popular german name. Which is why… ***for the fourth time***… [...]

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I always thought Mr. Clean was one sexy bitch. His bald head, earring & bulging biceps told me this was a man who had been places… seen things. And quite possibly done things… in prison… that we both knew were better left unexplored.
Yep, when it came time to scrub the bowl or wipe [...]

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When I woke up this morning I said to myself, “Self, you, my friend, are going to write something so witty… so funny… today that people everywhere will stop what they’re doing and take note!” Then I rolled over and went back to dreaming about Brad Pitt’s penis… which I like to think he’s nicknamed [...]

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At the eleventh hour we decided to start Arrested Development in lieu of West Wing or Buffy V-Slayer. I’m really glad we did as I can’t remember the last time I’ve laughed so hard. This show is pure genius…

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Der blumen are killing me.
Christ… for the past week I’ve been sneezing my brains out. Is there anyone who can tell me when this allergy-induced hell will be over? Because there’s not enough Benadryl in the world to make living in germany in springtime doable for me right now.
Also, any decent remedies you [...]

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I’ve had my handy (cell phone) for 2 months now and have yet to personalize any of the messages because I can’t understand the damn prompts. Ditto for checking messages. I’ve got five and have NO idea how to listen to and/or erase them.

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