The more you learn, the less you know.
Jun 23rd, 2006 by B.
It seems for every word/phrase I learn, there are at least a hundred bazillion I still don’t know. Case in point, today I went to join a fitness club not too far away from the flat. And while I’m pretty sure this will be something I do roughly 12-15 times before it goes the way of all my other pet projects and hair-brained schemes, that’s not the point of this entry. I digress.
Anyway, I managed to register with a woman who spoke zero English, which made me pretty proud of myself. Things were going fine, too, until we got to the very end. She pulled out a tape measurer and caliper looking thingy and told me to take my blouse & rock off and put on one of their robes… that in five minutes she’d be back in to measure me and gauge my % of body fat. I thought it a little odd that she’d want me to take my wedding rings off, but I figured maybe they measure body fat by the excess skin on your fingers or something. So just to be safe I took all my rings off, de-bloused, donned the robe and settled in.
She came back in soon after, told me to stand up and opened my robe. Then she kind of went “oh!” like she was surprised… at which point I’m thinking, “Oh come on… I know I need to lose a few pounds, but there’s no sense making me feel like jabba the hut when you peel back my robe”. She muttered something about giving me another minute to ‘prepare’ and then left the room again. I had no idea how to take this other than that maybe she had to take another minute to prepare herself for the sight of me in a bra…
She comes back in, we repeat the scene, and she asks a second time would I please remove my rock… I tell her I already have and even show her my finger & then point to my purse (that’s Esperanto for ‘it’s in there, bitch’). She throws up her hands in exasperation, turns and leaves again… at which point I’m thinking this has all been a big mistake, that no treadmill is worth this level of aggravation. Finally she returns with a man in tow who clearly was in the middle of working out, but also speaks fluent english… he goes on to explain to me that in Germany a ‘rock’ isn’t a clever idiom for diamond. It’s a skirt. I was supposed to take my skirt off.
In hindsight I should have caught on much sooner… it’s that knee-jerk ‘oh shit, I don’t understand a damn thing’ panic/reaction that always does me in. Well, that and the fact that I’m clearly an idiot.
On this day..
- Back. - 2006
8 Responses to “The more you learn, the less you know.”
Having to disrobe to have my fat calibrated by a gruff German woman would simply end the deal for me.
Back to the couch and cheese puffs.
Wow! Your story was a great appetizer for the “Super Pannenshow” beginning right about… oops, gotta go!
I’m with remus on this one! A gruff German woman would have been intimidating enough, but if anyone had come near me with a caliper, that would have been the deal breaker! I’m outta there!
I again have to point out how brave you are B, I know, I know, but still……I’m w/ Remus on this…A gruff German woman would’ve had me skipping outta there pronto..lol!
Actually she was very nice… it wasn’t until the bitter end that it all went downhill. And before anyone asks, no, I’m not telling you my % of body fat. heh.
This made me giggle a bit. I think she could have made it easy on you an pointed at the skirt.
Claire- she thought I was saying I wouldn’t allow her to take measurements, so the skirt issue was quickly brushed to the side… it took the english-speaking guy to straighten us both out. Ultimately it was my fault though.
B ~ That was a much needed laugh. I’m loving reading about your “adventures”.