Diversionary tactics.
Jul 19th, 2006 by B.
This evening we were visiting a few of Jim’s pals when the inevitable drinking showdown reared its ugly head.
**Friend 1:** Let me get you a beer…
**Me:** That’s ok, but I’ll take some water if you have it.
**Friend 1:** Don’t be silly! Drinking water while there is fine beer around, this isn’t done!
**Me:** Well, it’s not a big deal… I just don’t drink. Thank you though, and judging by the look of enjoyment on Jim’s face, I can tell the beer is great.
**Friend 2:** Perhaps you would like wine?
**Friend 3:** Friend 1 has a fine bottle of Jim Beam…
**Me:** No thanks… wait, Jim Beam? They sell that crap here?
**Friend 1:** Surely you must enjoy a little something to relax from time to time?
**Me:** (sigh) Ok, sure. Sex.
**Friends 1, 2, & 3:** Sex?
**Me:** Yes, sex. Morning, noon and night. Copious amounts of nice, relaxing sex with multiple partners. I can’t get enough. Beats the hell out of a hangover & I almost never throw up afterward.
**Jim:** Uh, she’s kidding. Either she’s kidding or a lot goes on while I’m at work…
I thought it was pretty funny… Jim, well he felt the need to reassure everyone I was only joking. heh.
Truth is, in america no one gives a crap what you do in a social setting. The mentality is “more for me” if you decided to abstain… but here people feel just awful if you don’t partake. They want to see to it that you’re comfortable & feeling welcomed. This is something I find equal parts incredibly sweet & frustrating as hell.
This reminds me of a remark my uncle once made after having a heart attack. The doctor told him to quit smoking. My uncle: “I’d rather give up sex than smoking.” Uh. Okay. He never did quit smoking or drinking and he had one mighty fine porn collection the last time we visited.
I guess his sex comment was suppose to be diversionary as well.
I dunno, when you hang out with alcoholics in America you get railed on for not partaking. Example: I once got called a pussy for stopping after 22 shots one night. Nothing sweet about that.