Life in Dresden - Observations at 9 months.
Nov 18th, 2006 by B.
A few days late, but here we go…
1. I’ve become complacent when it comes to the language. For months now it’s been easier to say “sprechen Sie Englisch?” than to actually whip out what little deutsch I know. Consequently, the tiny pocket of my brain reserved for learning & retaining german has been letting me down lately.
2. Things that should be simple, but inevitably aren’t, have started wearing me down much more than they used to. We just spent two and a half weeks trying to change our parking space in the parking garage. In american this most likely would have been accomplished with a phone call or two… here it was a dozen calls, six people, and a severe language barrier to contend with.
When I sense myself getting frustrated I try to keep in mind that I’m the weak link, not the germans. Still, I’m so tired of feeling substandard and inadequate.
3. It’s difficult being a trailing spouse. There’s this huge dichotomy between the life Jim leads and the one I do. In his world he has purpose, english-speaking colleagues to help him along the way, and a sense of accomplishment born from contributing to his company.
But what are my contributions? Did I really spend (out of pocket) 35K on a post-secondary education just to move to deutschland and become a hausfrau? I always thought I’d take a few years off while Sydney was young and, once she was in school, step right back into my career. That’s next to impossible here, and it’s driving me up the wall knowing it.
Perhaps I’m missing some sort of parenting gene, but being a ‘mommy’ just doesn’t feel like enough to sustain me for the long haul. I really wish it did…
4. I still love the public transportation. From what I’ve seen visiting other parts of germany, I think Dresden’s leaps and bounds above the rest when it comes to our public transit. It’s on time, it’s clean, it’s safe… why I feel so good traveling in this new trendy, urban manner, that sometimes I want to pull a Mary Tyler Moore and toss my hat into the air when I step off the #13.
5. I struggle with the international school for the girls. I think it’s elitist (a private school elitist? go figure…), the mommies are so stepford that it’s scary, and many of the kids seem to have this privilaged ‘i’m entitled’ vibe that rubs me the wrong way. I don’t want my daughters ending up thinking they’re superior just because… which seems to be the modus operandi for most of the mommies I see there.
6. When we first moved here I wrote: the highs are higher, the lows are lower… and since I’m most satisfied living on the fringe, I’m loving it! I suspect when everything fades to a happy medium I’ll question things more.
Has ‘happy medium’ set in? Maybe so. And if that’s so, it’s my issue. Because lord knows, there’s still so much I don’t understand & have yet to conquer… I have no business feeling complacent.
7. I hate shopping in this country. Ok, in all fairness… I hate just about any shopping that doesn’t involve online ordering, but it’s worse here. The stores are overcrowded, there’s usually only one way in or out (which leads to feeling like you’re being herded) and lines to check out are often so long I feel I should take up knitting or something just so I can spend the time in line being more productive.
I can only imagine what the christmas season must be like… and I realize cute little christmas markets are de rigueur here, but I think I’d rather carve ‘charles manson rools’ into my forehead than attend one of these little soirees. What the hell is ‘gluhwein’ anyway… and why is it supposedly so great??
8. The traveling is very cool. But when your entire focus becomes “where can I go next?” and it helps to ease you through days you’re feeling frustrated and unhappy, is it still a good thing? I guess I’m saying I need to stop being so cynical about where I am and not always look for my next traveling ‘fix’. And lately I find myself most interested in visiting places that are english-speaking… london, ireland, scotland, australia, new zealand. Six months ago I would have called those sort of vacations ‘taking the easy way out’…
9. Penthouse flat without a lift = big fucking mistake.
10. I had a great conversation with the pizza delivery guy last night. He wanted to practice his english with me, so we just stood and talked for about 15 minutes. It’s been my experience that germans are friendly and helpful and kinder overall than the americans I encountered on any given day living in the states. I just wish I was better at blending into their world. It’s tough to always feel like you’re lacking. Wears you down after awhile…
On this day..
- The story behind the story. - 2007
Glühwein is “mulled wine”- sorry if the question above was meant to be rhetorical. I don’t know too much about what goes into it other than wine, cinnamon and perhaps the odd orange slice. (You can make your own at home with “glühfix” which comes in little tea bags. Of course, there must be proper, from-scratch recipes on line as well.) I think it’s terrible tasty and consuming warm beverages while outside in the cold has its charm and tradition (see also grog and hot buttered rum, mmmmmm).
The Christmas markets are actually a great place to look for presents for relatives if they have any interest in German Christmas decorations (the little smoking men, Christmas tree ornaments, etc.), which my family does. I wouldn’t get my gifts for people in Germany here at the Market-unless they want a broom or a whole bunch of new agey stuff. I view the entire process as an excuse to get out of the house in the evening and perhaps to meet people - which isn’t such a bad thing when it gets dark at 4 pm!
The department stores here are a zoo in Advent. There is no way to paint this pretty.
I am enjoying your “coffee” background - and #9 - which is true no matter whereever you are.
I have mixed feelings about Gluhwein–some of it is nice, but given a glass (or mug) of it at random, it probably is toxic. However, it is obligatory to go to drink it at least once or twice each year in part because if you do it right, it does force you out into the streets after the sun sets at 4
Wow, a lot of territory covered there. I still feel the pain of running into the language barrier, even though it had largely faded away in the early days, but moreso now that I am funcitoning in several other languages, which more signficantly takes me out of the german way of thinking … believe me, the language is rarely the problem, rather it is the way these people think. Don’t feel substandard or inadequate … it’s like showing fear to a menacing dog … if they sense it, the local will bite.
You only spent 35K for a post-secondary education? How smart is that? I read an article a few months ago about people who were spending 100K plus on degrees in sociaology, as if that was something that was ever going to pay for itself. The real problem is how you are going to put your KSAs (knowledge, skills and abilities) back to work here without a visa that allows you to do so.
Shopping here is a total bummer. In the Frankfurt am Main area, the only advantage of the Christmas season is that stores are open on Sundays. Still crowded, and still customer-unfriendly, but at least they are open. And at least you can get a good bratwurst at the Christmas Market.
I did the Penthouse without a lift thing, and it probably saved my life, what with all the starch laden sauce the locals spoon over their fried foods.
Count your blessing and hang in there …. it could be worse; you could be in prison.
.
Ann- It\\\’s good to know christmas markets are all the same… in the u.s. just about all you could get at christmas fairs were homemade ornaments and and other christmasy junk. You\\\’re right about forcing yourself out of the house after 4:00 though…
Adam- It\\\’s just the name… it sounds so uninviting!
Mike- If the locals were actually mean to me I wouldn\\\’t give a crap about about the language barrier. It\\\’s the fact that everyone is so nice and accommodating that makes me feel I need to up my game. Maybe people in former east germany are just nicer??
As for the education, the 35K was my (ouch!) out-of-pocket expense… after grants & what my family kicked in. All totaled it was double that. Still, it took me too long to pay it off. Too long to feel comfortable sitting on my ass watching Premiere all day, that\\\’s for sure. And yep, I was referring to my lack of a proper visa, not to mention the fact that my skill-set is most likely not needed in this country.
Hear, hear. If it helps to know you’re not alone in all that stuff, then know that I’ve recently gone through much of it too (including the penthouse apartment with no lift!). At nine months in, I was nearly at the end of my rope. As you said, not because people are mean or because Germany sucks, because that’s not true, but because I was sick of being trapped in line at the grocery store to buy a pack of gum, counting the days until my next weekend trip out of here. And the trailing spouse thing is something else as well.
I can tell you that a weekend in London was absolutely heavenly, and recharged my batteries. It’s one of my favorite cities but, I think more importantly, it allowed me three days of feeling much more self-sufficient than I’d felt in months. I could read signs and buy books and ask the guy at the fruit stand how much an apple cost without worrying about sentence structure. If you have access to those discount airline fares to Britain, it might be worth a quick trip. London hotels are ridiculously expensive but there are many other cool places in the UK to check out.
As far as the Gluhwein goes, it does warm a body up in the middle of the freezing cold Christmas market. I found last year that the big (huge famous) market in Nuernberg was fun for the tourist aspect but that the much smaller one in our local village square was my favorite. All the stuff for sale was handmade by locals. I’ll bet there are some nice villages around Dresden that will have similar small markets that feel less like a mob scene.
Hang in there, and keep telling yourself that every flight of stairs is another chocolate waffle you can eat at the Christkindlsmarkt!
Blythe- Funny you should mention London… in Feburary we\’ll be spending 8 glorious days there. I\’m looking forward to being able to read & understand everything.
I can’t speak from experience, but I heard it gets easier.
I definitely hear you on the travel fix. I don’t know how I would have managed without that.
Dresden is a lovely city, but unfortunately you would probably find more people speaking Russian than English. Is there any way you could find a good course to learn German?
While Hubby was in Germany he went to the Goethe Institut and learned the lanuage. It was an intense course, but has served him well ovr the years. He also met a lot of people in the same boat.
When I lived there, I’m afraid it was sort of playing to my biggest weakness. I am naturally shy, so I became more introverted. I did learn enough German to shift gears, but I never became “great”.
Hang in there.
Maribeth- I love all the Russian influences in this city! In March I’ll be starting my official lessons; until then I’m just winging it and working with a tutor occasionally.
I always enjoyed the gluhwein, especially when out and about in the cold. I was told it is a hot spice wine.
The Christmas market in Dresden is fairly large and I think it is the oldest know Christmas markt in Germany. Something like 560 plus years now. There are acutally two Christmas Markets in Dresden. The main one in the Gros Markt and there is a smaller Historic Market in the Schloss between the Grand Markt and the Elbe. It is small and set up as a medieval markt with period costumes and crafts. I enjoyed both immensely. From my limited experience the best time to go is during the week. It will be crowded but a lot worse on the weekend.
Also a very Christmas’y place to go is to Seiffen. It is about 1 to 2 hours from Dresden. This is the town where most of the Christmas carvings are done, candleoperas, pyramids, nutcrackers and such are made. Losts of small to medium shops and larger stores also. Some shops have the factory as part it and you can tour thru and watch them making the products. Also in Seiffen is a toy museum and a living history museum. Both are real interesting. Nearby in Newhasuen is a very good Nutcracker museum,
Jody
I haven’t gone through much of what you describe, because the longest I spent in Germany was about 2 months… and it was still considered “vacation.” Your post is good for me though (sorry!) because all too often I just want to throw up my hands and give up EVERYTHING in America and immerse myself into the German culture. You’ve made me realize that that would be just about impossible.
Hang in there. How long will you be there? Indefinitely?
Carol
By the way, I sent a link to this post to my husband. His response: “Wow, she hit the nail on the head with that one.”
Great observations. And we missed you at the meet-up. Next time for sure!
A few thoughts:
1. I know it’s hard when you have kids, but taking an intensive German course would probably work wonders.
2. It’s not you, it’s just the way things work around here and even cutting through the language barrier often doesn’t change that.
3. Even with a visa, it’s often hard to find your purpose here, because usually what you have, they don’t want.
4. Public transportation rocks, and so does Mary Tyler Moore.
5. It may be elitist, but trust me, it’s going to be waaaay better than the German public school system.
6. I have a feeling your list is going to change radically in the next year or so.
7. Shopping here sucks. If you do go shopping at Christmas, remember to wear next to nothing, because the department stores crank up the heat so high that everyone’s dripping by the time they get out.
I like Glühwein, but my head doesn’t. There’s a lot of cheap, cheap stuff out there that you have to be careful of.
8. Opposite problem here: having Europe at your feet and not having the time or money to go anywhere. I traveled more when I was living in N. America. But yeah, traveling just for the sake of getting away from where you live isn’t always the best idea.
9. We only lived on the 4th floor and that totally kicked my butt.
10. Seems that the people really are more friendly in the East. I think you have to just get used to the fact that you’ll never really fit in. I’ve been here for an eternity and I still don’t, and lord knows I’ve tried.
I really appreciate your honesty in these posts as my Husband and I are considering an overseas move in the next year or so. The having kids part and balancing the career just sucks no matter where you live. You would have more options here but finding the balance has been near impossible for me. I am not even using my graduate degree at this point and I keep wondering if I’ve made the right choice in accepting a less challenging position for more time off. I so relate to number nine too . . .