A coming of age story.
Dec 22nd, 2006 by B.
Little dude has reached the point when all puppies turn into little doggie men. Meaning, he’s started humping things. And by ‘things’ I mean pretty much anything in sight… my shoes… a roll of toilet paper… Syd’s head… balled up towels on the bathroom floor… my-size barbies… he even once humped a head of lettuce that had rolled off the kitchen counter onto the floor {insert tossed salad joke here}.
In an effort to stop the insanity I took him to the vet today.
Trouble is, my deutschland vet is adamantly against neutering. He says americans castrate their animals (I prefer to use the p.c. ‘fix their animals’ instead) when it’s completely unnecessary. That it’s bad for his health as it leads to late-life obesity and a reduced desire to exercise. I’m thinking if by ‘reduced desire to exercise’ he means Dude will no longer want to hump my leg, I’m all for it.
I tried many pro-neutering tactics, too.. like saying I was concerned Dude might become aggressive, but that’s a tough sell with a three pound fully grown chihuahua. I also asked “what if he tries to run away when he smells a girl dog in heat?”… the vet pointed out we lived on the fourth floor and unless he grew wings it would be difficult-to-impossible for this to happen. Finally, I broke down and told him that the humping had to stop… that if it didn’t I would be the one to become aggressive and drop-kick him the next time he went to town on my left ankle.
And that’s when he gave me the most bizarre advice I’ve heard. He said the next time Dude tried to “make die zexa” to not say a word, but immediately pick him up, turn him over and thwack (thump… whatever) his balls as hard as I could. Which I did once we got home, and let me just say… oh. my. god. … I had no idea such a loud shrieking noise could come from such a small creature.
(heh.. every male eurotrippen reader just had a sympathy wince)
On this day..
- Oh, happy day! - 2006
- Deny thy father and refuse thy name. - 2006
As long as you promise not to do the same thing to me when I hump your leg, I’m ok with it.
Much like you changed medical doctors, maybe you ought to change vets.
Either that or suggest to the doctor that the dog could get Neuticles.
Seriously it sounds like you need a new vet. It’s not like you’re trying to maim your dog by de-clawing him. Either the little furry things come off or your family is going to be investing way too much time thumping his privates.
poor little dude
Whoever your vet is, he should have his balls slapped. I hope you have the good sense not to try something so cruel as that again.
A head of lettus??? roflol!!!
I am now rolling on my living room floor dying of laughter!
I think that vet is just verbablizing his Amsterdam fetish about being ball-slapped by some leather-wearing Dutch thing.
And don’t confuse size with viciousness … a friend had a tiny miniature poodle … it was a unholy terror.
I actually like my vet. And as he pointed out, the nut thumping is overall less painful than surgery and the recovery period far quicker. He’s got a point…
Well, I hope you washed the lettuce after that. Our friends have a puppy and he was humping our sons leg when he (the dog) was something like 9 weeks old. I guess they start early. I’m really suprised that the vet is against neutering, consdering how many homeless, unwanted animals there are out there. Oh well.
that is the friggin funniest thing I have ever read (just back from my first trip to Germany and stumbled on your blog by accident)
Glad you stumbled across the blog… and hopefully you had a great time in Germany, it\’s beautiful here!