A touch of gray.
Mar 19th, 2007 by B.
Lately I find myself hedging my bets and steering clear of extremes, which is fairly unusual for me. Maybe it’s because I’m pushing forty? (remember the whole George Carlin skit on aging… you become 21, turn 30 and push 40) Anyway, nowadays it’s not that I don’t drink, it’s just that I’m not drinking tonight. It’s not that I’ve decided to become a vegetarian, it’s just that I’m cutting back on meat. It’s not that I’m writing a novel, it’s just that I’m writing a novel-length work of fiction. For some reason I find it easier to get my mind around these concepts. They allow room for error. So that six months hence, if I so desire, I can decide some fine, sunny saturday afternoon that I’m in the mood for beer & bratwurst and not have to make a federal case of it. Let’s just say I’m keeping my options open.
Still, I remember in my twenties, between bong hits & sips of margaritas, stating in a very clear, very loud voice that life was black & white. Everything either was or wasn’t… there was no room for gray. You were either happy or you were sad. You were either right or you were wrong. You were either with me or you were against me. No gray. Gray was for pussies. Gray was for those too afraid to take a stand. Worse still- gray was for those who didn’t know their own mind.
Even in my thirties the attitude lingered. I remember reading about Hunter S. Thompson’s suicide and thinking… what a coward. That suicide had to be the biggest act of cowardice out there. To decide that there was no hope that things might get better, that you simply could not eek another happy moment or semi-decent day out of life was the biggest crock of shit I’d ever heard. And how horribly self-indulgent to check out and leave everyone behind to clean up your mess and eulogize your greatness. Now I’m not so sure… maybe he was just hedging his bets? Gambling that there was something better waiting or, barring that, that the alternative of nothing might just be enough.
I can’t help wondering though, is this detroit lean toward the gray area a good thing? Does it symbolize some newfound maturity or tolerance… because god knows I’ve lacked those qualities in the past. Or is it something more insidious? Maybe it’s just a sign I’m getting old?
Whether I like it or not I guess the lines have been blurred. No more blanket statements for this girl…
On this day..
- Hamburg bound. - 2008
- King Dork & more(k) - 2008
You’re pushing 40? No way!!!
I never believed in a “gray” area until I worked for the Federal government… then I learned that the gray area can be ones friend!
I figure people who only believe in black and white are naive. The world lives in the gray areas.
Honey, “pushing 40″ are two words I would not use to describe you. And most definitly not gray!
Not only do I see the gray areas of life, but also the technicolor of “possibilities.” I’d like to think that after six decades on this earth, I’m finally starting to “get it.” Nothing is what it seems!
I’ve known you a brief while, you are opinionated, but I don’t exactly see you as having an extreme b/w take on things.
Time sometimes allows for more understanding of different perspectives, though by no means need it make one more mellow, actually it sometimes allows for the inhibitions to drop, no need for the putting up of appearances … just tell it like it is … let it all hang out.
As far as HST and checking oneself out early … there are many valid reasons: pain, little joy, knowing it is downhill from here on out and today really sucks … and in his case, 4 more fucking years of George W. Bush.
They make Miss Clairol for those grey areas honey….