Puma can kiss my ass.
May 2nd, 2007 by B.
Today marked my (not so) triumphant return to the gym. I haven’t forgotten my new year’s resolution to shed some pounds. And now that our traveling, visiting and running around is behind us (at least for the next few months) it seems to be the perfect time to focus on other goals. Like fitting into a size not in the 40’s… that would be a goal.
Back to the gym - when did working out become such a fashion statement? I walked in today and all the women were perfectly quaffed and manicured and sporting the latest in size anorexic Puma faux-workout gear. One lady had a push-up, underwire sports bra on… what the hell? Needless to say I stuck out like a sore thumb in my russell athletics basketball shorts, citibank t-shirt scored free on campus decades ago, hair up (barely) in sloppy ponytail & absolutely no makeup.
They also don’t seem to exercise while they’re there. I saw lots of jamba juice-like stuff being consumed, and the saunas seemed pretty popular, but it was like a ghost town over by the cardio machines. Which was a good thing because after I stepped off the treadmill roughly 30 minutes later looking like a drowned rat, only uglier, I was in no mood to socialize. Still, how do they get so thin if they never actually work out??
And now I have a goal… to go to the gym at least three times a week and do my level-best to look exponentially worse each time I go. Tomorrow I’m wearing my old stained bananarama (oh come on, you know you loved ‘cruel summer’) t-shirt and the shorts Jim uses to work on the car. This place needs a little harmonic balance… a little ’sloppy girl’ yang to go with its puma-loving yin. And I’m thinking I’m just the girl to give it to them… and in the process I might even lose a few pounds. Which I guess was the point all along… but still, I’ll be the unkempt girl on the treadmill in the far corner chanting “attica! attica! attica!”
On this day..
- Cultural immersion 101. - 2006
LOL! I, too, go to the gym looking sloppy a lot! I like to wear my old rowing shorts, a college t-shirt, and a half-assed ponytail.
HAHAHAH……..Go B! Go B! This is something I’m going to have to start grappling with too….Aarrrggg!
I keep telling myself that five flights of stairs + carseat that weighs a ton = workout. I’ll let you know how that works out for me. And as far as the gym wardrobe goes, I like to think of it as a cultural phenomenon. Whenever Jeff goes to the golf course, everyone there is wearing head-to-toe matching golf outfits. If you look at it that way, you should definitely be wearing the American workout uniform (stretched-out t-shirt, greasy ponytail, stinky tennies).
It’s no help unless you plan to go around licking door knobs or small children (they’re good sources of sickness), but I can tell you that the best weight loss I’ve had in years came from one week of Magendarm (intestinal flu) followed less than a week later with three days of food poisoning. I had to buy a new pair of ’skinny jeans’. Three weeks and it’s still off… I have no muscle tone though, keep on steppin!
“Still, how do they get so thin if they never actually work out??”
The word ‘bulemia’ comes to mind.
Also ‘cocaine’, ‘anorexia’, and ‘psychosis’.
I thought Germans were supposed to be sensible. There’s nothing sensible about sweating in an underwire. I did force myself to go back today, fashionistas be damned. My goal is three days at the gym (I forgot to cancel the membership in time, so they automatically renewed me for a year - I need to get my money’s worth out of it at least) and three days here on the elliptical trainer. On the sabbath I rest. We’ll see if I can stick to it.