I admit it, I’m a tv snob. Up until a few years ago the tv was reserved as a vessel for early educational (yet fun!) programming for Sydney. Big Bird, Blue from Blue’s Clues, and Bear In The Big Blue House reigned supreme in our home. It wasn’t until we started seriously thinking of moving to Europe that I began to pay attention to what I might/might not be missing on the small screen.

I’d skipped right over 16 or so seasons of Friends. Never really gave a shit what a ‘Stargate’ was, and Scrubs were just something people in hospitals wore. Smallville sounded stupid, Gilmore Girls predictable, and what was up with shows like CSI? If you wanted ‘ripped from the headlines’ stories, why not just read the headlines?

Then a friend (hi Jeanni) turned me on to things like 24 and Alias… trigging a little-known endorphin release each time bad guys got their ass kicked. Then shows like Lost, Boston Legal and Criminal Minds came along- really intelligent stuff that made me reassess my view of public tv.

And don’t even get me started on HBO. Six Feet Under was a true revelation. It was like it was written for people just like me, even though I never quite understood who ‘me’ was. Sopranos had me at hello, and first run episodes of Carnivale (well, the first season anyway) were treated like an event in my house. Yep, I was hooked.

Then we decided to move to Germany. But… would I even find out who shot David Palmer?? And would Dr. House hook up with the eternally hot Sela Ward at the end of season 2? These were things I had to know. They quickly took the place of would I ever eat a krispy kreme donut again, or could the girls get a decent education overseas… screw all that, I wanted to know if Turk and Carla were having a boy or girl.

Eventually all those questions were answered, but it took time. Time during which I immersed myself in seven seasons of Buffy The Vampire Slayer (a show I never came close to loving), six seasons of West Wing (a show I loved) and three seasons of Arrested Development (a show I revered). There were lots of others along the way- so many that I’d be embarrassed to list them all.

And now thanks to some very good friends who have opened their tivo to me, or in other ways pointed me in the direction of online tv still viewable outside the U.S. (thanks, Remus), I’m all caught up. I’ve seen the first season of 30 Rock… not bad, and I can see why they insist on keeping Alec Baldwin around. I’ve even managed to watch that clunker, Jericho, and marvel at the fact that america will resurrect it, but not fight to keep Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip in play. And 24? Well I’ve managed come full circle where it’s concerned and be back to thinking it’s crap.

This weekend though, sore and physically tired from all the ball-squatting, I hit a new low. Over Friday and Saturday we managed to watch 4 episodes of Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader (which, apparently, I’m still not), a reality tv show about pirates, and something called ‘Fast Cars & Superstars- Gillette Young Guns Celebrity Race’. In my defense- the only reason for watching the latter was because William Shatner (Captain Effin’ Kirk!) was a racers. Still, not one of my finer moments.

Then Sunday we did the unthinkable… as we were channel surfing we came across english-speaking episodes of Nash Bridges, and actually stopped to watch. We laughed at Cheech and complimented James Gammon on some fine acting as Nash’s dad. Years ago this would have been un-fucking-thinkable.

I can only assume this latest addiction to american tv… any american tv… is born out of a desire to escape into a world that’s once again easy, familiar and predictable- if only for 40 minutes or so. I can read the street signs. I hear familiar police and ambulance sirens. I ‘get’ all the jokes, and even the lame ones take on an annoying but endearing quality usually reserved for relatives who break out the pull-my-finger jokes at family reunions.

Oh how the mighty have fallen…

On this day..

• Death to all white fuzzy things. - 2006