Christmisanthropy.
Dec 21st, 2007 by B.
Yesterday I spent 33 minutes in line at Ikea just to buy a 30€ gift certificate. While there I realized several things…
- I hate people. Not all people… but most. Especially the chronically cheerful ones.
- Watching a grown Mother/Daughter hang all over each other is skeevy. Seriously skeevy. Holding hands seems weird enough, but locking arms, whispering, and random kissing each other is just not normal.
- No one over the age of, say, 10 looks cute in a Santa hat or reindeer ears.
- If I have to hear Band-Aids ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas Time/Feed The World’ song one more time I think I’ll spontaneously combust.
- I don’t care what you say or how you serve it… Glühwein tastes like shit.
- Uber skinny middle-aged men will eat an impressive number of 1€ hot dogs while their wives shop.
- Dying your hair red & green does not make you festive… just ugly. This is especially true of anyone over the age of 25.
- If you can’t find a parking spot in Ikea’s multi-level garage OR the overflow parking out back, you should realize no gift certificate is worth the horror you’re about to experience. Take it from someone who knows… cut your losses and go home.
- Your baby is screaming because s/he is hot. With the relative humidity at roughly 50-60% & the temp. hovering at a tropical 80 or so degrees, Ikea could double as a fucking greenhouse. I don’t care how cute your baby looks in his little snowsuit… for the love of Pete, unzip it before you fry his brain.
- I hate people. I may have mentioned this one already, but it probably bears repeating.
On this day..
- Christmas Best/Worst. - 2007
- Holy shit! - 2006
It just confirms my theory that most people are complete and utter twats!
Yes, Ikea is a horrible place to shop at Christmas time. It’s ten times busier than normal.
Wonderful place to shop in say March, or August.
LOL! This made me laugh but in agreement…Working in retail, more & more I am leaning towards hating people too…Because they’re just complete & utter slobs when roaming around the shop…As well as being huffy & rude!
I might also add, that I hate with a passion having to listen to Jingle Bells or Santa Claus is coming to town or White Christmas, all day every day for the last two months! There is only so many times you can listen to 20 different versions of the same song before you want to jab a candle stick into somebody’s eyes!
Other than that…..Tis the season to be bitchy, fa la la la la la la la laaaaaaa!
B, you have indirectly explained the popularity of Amazon.com!
YES to everything!
33 minutes for a 30€ gift card?
That’s more than a euro a minute — I’m thinking a gift certificate from a nearby Aldi might be a better use of time.
Are you sure they were mother and daughter? Kind of weird behaviour I’d say. I have managed to stay away from IKEA this season even though I generally love browsing through that store, in fact I’ve stayed away from most stores this year….ciao and Merry Christmas
I am laughing out loud! I think this whole story is the reason I stayed away from Ikea on the 22nd…even when my husband wanted to go. I’ll wait until sometime in the next week
Sorry to say WE went to IKEA the FIRST DAY IT OPENED in Dresden. Talk about something NEW for the former “East.” I´ve never EVER stepped into one with delight. ALWAYS with DREAD. I HATE the concept. I HATE the foot paths THEY create for you, although Mark and I found the EASY way out in Dresden´s store. MUST have plugged the hole since. NO other has it. Sadly it was the only barby doll furniture we could afford. HATE and HATE further. Or in our case: KEN DOLL FURNITURE? LOLOL
Late with comments. Got back from a week in not so sunny and certainly NOT AT ALL friendly Italy. Last time there …. I swear! In the northern region and not a hell of a lot better than Rome, Florence, and Venice. (Have they an aversion to street cleaners?) I recall my first trip in 1973 …. could NOT find a pizza place. NOW, in the north, it is ALL Pizza with barely any toppings (and olive oil oozing when it cools). HA! We may well have sworn off pasta for some time to come. FINALLY found a McD´s in Milan and savored the BIG MAC. WOW…I missed “me” Schnitzel! Though Christmas repast was in the ONLY Chinese place in the town. AND it was perhaps the BEST meal we had there. Somehow, ribeye steak of HORSE was not what I sought.
Lee- I totally get what you’re saying about Italy. I’ve been to Venice & Milan and both times encountered the rudest, snottiest people I’ve ever met. It’s the reason why we still haven’t made it to Rome.
Can’t imagine Ikea on opening day… eek!
I believe the authorities had to close the first Brittish IKEA on opening day as people were getting trampled.
They charge 1€ a hotdog in Germany? Here in Belgium it’s 0.5€ per IKEA hotdog.