Under pressure. (cue Queen/Bowie)
Jul 15th, 2008 by B.
I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out.
I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.
This is why I love Sylvia Plath. Where I’m at a complete loss as to how explain the pressures I feel in this life, Sylvia’s been there and done that and knows exactly what to say…
Yikes, and reading that gives me a glimpse into why one would turn suicidal…
Juls last blog post..Ready for Oktoberfest
Yep, Sylvia Plath was a mess… a brilliant mess… but a mess nonetheless. Honestly, it seems the more talented a person is (especially artistically) the more they’re haunted by their own larger-than-life demons.
For me I was just referring to how having too many choices can feel almost as claustrophobic as having none. Especially when time seems to be against you. And, honestly, when isn’t time against you?
That said, I’m not ready for the old head-in-the-oven trick quite yet. Heh, you’ve got hand it to Sylvia, she sure knew how to make an exit…
Yes, I think the too-many-choices problem has been the defining issue of my life. Or something like that. It’s a great quote.
Glad you’re keeping your head away from the oven. Me, too, for now.
Juls last blog post..Ready for Oktoberfest
soooo…. what i’m getting from this is you want to try out for the olympics? i say go for it!
Try out?! I haven’t even decided if I should boycott the Olympics this year or not. I feel like I should feel something about the whole thing, given my Buddhist leanings & all. Still, I can’t seem to get myself all worked up no matter how hard I try.
Here’s one thing I do feel strongly about… the Brangelina twins should definitely NOT be given honorary gold medals just for being born. There. I said it. I feel better now…
speaking of the twins…. i don’t think i’ve ever wanted to be another human being more than i want to be that baby girl right now… i mean sersiously, “vivienne marcheline jolie” is like the single greatest baby name… there is absolutely no way that girl isn’t going to be the most beautiful woman ever in the history of beauty with a name like that… i just keep going around the house saying it out loud with my fake french accent.
not to mention… she was born in france - points
she is a twin - points
her parents are fabulous - points, points
not even a week old and she’s already made like what… 12 million dollars or something… super mega points
i’m dying… really.
Hey B,
I know I’m hacking Goethe to bits but didn’t he say something like: it matters not the decision you make, but that you make a decision? Once that’s done, a hundred things flow your way which you hadn’t thought of, things that help you toward making that decision reality.
Also like your comment about the larger-than-life demons. So true!
ian in hamburgs last blog post..North American Expat Germany survival guide: the pancake edition.
Ian, Wasn’t that Dumbledor?
Now that I have revealed my literary ignorance, I must say, the Plath quote is awesome.
I’m torn on the olympics thing too. After having a Chinese girl stay with us for a year, the whole China/Tibet situation is so much more complicated. It was interesting to hear from a Chinese (non-government) point of view.
kats last blog post..My first call to Germany
I am facing a big decision too and not real happy about it. Just don’t sick your head in the oven!
Claires last blog post..Poor Baby