Family planning.
Sep 12th, 2008 by B.
When did it become chic to be in your teens, knocked up and keeping the baby? Is Juno to blame? The Spears family? The entire town of Glouster, Mass?
You know, back when we had our big virginity crisis with Robbie I couldn’t help thinking it was the end of the world. But life went on and she eventually settled on the choice that was right for her. In the meantime we had lots of talks… talks about love -v- lust, disease -v- safety, what to tell your parents -v- level of graphic detail only appropriate for friends. Then there were the talks about responsibility… pregnancy… abortion.
Robbie asked me once what I’d do if she told me she was pregnant. Without hesitation I said I’d advise her to have an abortion. That at 15, 16, 17… hell, most of your 20s, you’re just beginning to figure out who you are. That you owe it to yourself to get your head straight before you bring another life into a complicated world.
I honestly can’t fathom saying to my daughter(s) ’you made a mistake, now you’re going to have to own up to the consequences’. And yes, sometimes a baby can be a mistake. That’s not say there aren’t great 16-year-old parents out there (no hate mail please) and that perfect, incredibly well-adjusted children haven’t been born to them. But you at least have to concede it’s an uphill battle for all concerned.
Which leads me to Sarah Palin. Politics aside, on a woman to woman, mother to mother basis, I can’t comprehend the choices she’s making for her family. I won’t even delve into the whole abortion -v- keeping baby decision, as that’s personal and unique to each family/mother/father.
But to thrust your pregnant teenage daughter into a national spotlight… to use her as a living, breathing, expanding example of your ‘family values’, well, it strikes me as wrong. And selfish. And more than a little cutthroat.
Finally, how do we fix this? How do we reduce the teen pregnancy rate? My answer was to swallow personal discomfort at the thought of my teenage daughter having sex and to say… I’m here… I wish you wouldn’t… but if you do… I’m still here… you can talk to me… I won’t judge you or be angry… we’ll even go condom shopping together… and we’ll make sure you’re on the pill… and I’ll help you remember to take it every day… because life’s tough enough without complications… and a baby should always, always always be a choice; never a consequence.
I agree! I am also totally appalled that most commentators and the public aren’t asking whether an obviously unprepared 17-year old should even be encouraged to marry the father. Let the poor kids have time grow before forcing them down this path.
Have you seen Take Care Down There (with my thanks to TQE)?
I suspect watching the videos hosted there with her would really make her squirm. But watching them by herself first might lend a certain frankness to the discussion, or maybe even make a discussion possible. And maybe not with you, but with someone else. I thought those were pretty neat in general.
Think Widget Palin has seen any of them?
My mom got pregnant and married my dad when she was 18 almost 19. As you can guess, their marriage ended in divorce. The divorce rate amoung these teen parents is also something that is not discussed. Sad.
To be honest, I frankly haven’t been wanting to pay much attention to all the hoopla surrounding Sarah Palin, so I can’t really say much to a certain degree….However, as usual B, you’ve made some really great points here & I can say that woman to woman, I agree with what you said
No it’s not discussed, because ‘discuss’ implies that actual listening is taking place. Have you ever looked at the 18-year-old princesses planning weddings (pregnant or not) on theknot.com? “OMG, ur so mean! My gma & gpa got maried when they we’re 16 and they we’re FINE!!”
Awesome blog post, B. No child should be born with a job - especially when that job is to be a consequence for unwise decisions. Recipe for resentment, anyone?
hey b. -
Were the Palins doing the right thing for their daughter by running when she’s pregnant? No. Is there some way of showing you’ve had 4 months to make your peace with the situation other than lugging Levi to the convention? I have gotta hope so. Should they be trumpeting the wedding as if this were a WB series? Also no.
But the homes of many of these people with whom you disagree are not what you imagine them to be, and having known people who got into similar scrapes and having asked my parents the same question your daughter asked you, I know there are a lot of them who neither answer the way you would, nor answer the way you think they do.
Very well said.
I knew I wouldn’t be voting for her ticket, but I was initially interested in Sarah Palin and rooting for her to be another smart, capable, young woman in politics (heaven knows we need them). And I do my best not to judge people on their parenting choices, since I can never really know what happens in their homes. But it really feels to me like she’s hung her family out for the tabloids in a way that I can’t ignore.
Blythes last blog post..Everything in my brain right now.
OUTSTANDING.
Last time I checked, the White House wasn’t really a “home”…I think it’s al about the parenting, B, seriously. As a teacher, I see the disconnect EVERY DAY, in my classroom, in my town-well Base, actually-until folks can say “s.e.x.” without whispering like “it’s the c.a.n.c.e.r.” we’re going to be a country chock full of Jaime Lynn’s and Bristol’s, with mothers who write tell all books about the rigors of parenting willful children. It’s sick.
B-you read my mind, and couldn’t have spilled it better! Robbie and Syd are lucky, lucky girls to have a Momma who gets it…
Well hell, the Republicans are really bad about picking unqualified women. Remember Harriet Meiers (and I am sure that I spelled that wrong)?
disenchanteds last blog post..What My Desk Says About Me